Thursday, March 6, 2014

Honey, get the bail money ready

So I waited too long to eat and was becoming hangry. For those of you that don't know me well, I get a little cranky when I an hungry and by a little cranky, I mean zero to hateful bitch in 0.2 seconds, hungry + angry = the term hangry. So anyway, back to my story. I stopped in at my local Chinese restaurant for lunch, because as a woman of leisure, I can just do that now. As soon as I opened the door and all of those tasty aromas assailed my senses I knew. I knew I had waited too long to eat and was hangry. Doing my best not to growl at the kindly lady at the register, I couldn't decide what I wanted. Another side effect of being hangry is a total lack of concentration and loss of any ability to make a rational decision.  As the roaring of the masses of people was screaming in my ears I hastily pointed to a tasty looking picture and shoved some bills at the poor woman.  She gave me my drink and I sat down to wait......for eternity!!!  I tried to kill time by checking my phone.  Nope, no one called me because everyone else is at work.  Ok, Pinterest.  Nope, nothing new in the last 5 minutes there.  I. am. STARVING!!!  Did they have to kill the cow or something? Haha haha, I hear a woman.  As I am frantically trying to distract myself from gnawing into my neighbor's lo mein, there is this one table of extremely loud laughers.  Now, when I am hangry, everything seems to be amplified, especially obnoxiousness.  This woman had the most annoying laugh and was laughing hysterically at everything anyone said within a 50 mile radius.  I was going to kill her.  I tried to focus on something else Ha hahahahaha!  Stay calm, food will be here soon. Hahahahahaha.  I don't think I can take it Hahahahaahah.  Just a little longer Hahahaha.  That's it!! She's toast!  I'm climbing over my table and I grab her stupid hair and shove her ugly scarf into her gaping maw silencing the hideous laughter.

About this time the kindly lady that took my order brought an entire plate of lusciousness right to my table and it was all mine and that was when I thankfully realized I was only staring at the obnoxious laugher and I had not done any real damage.  My lunch was perfect.  I devoured it with all the gusto of a prize pie eater on the 4th of July.  There may have been some growling, but no one said a word about it.  

Whether it was because the beast had been fed, or the beast staring at the obnoxious laughers scared them into quietness, I cannot say, but I can say that it was much more peaceful by the time I had eaten half of my lunch, than before.  Thankfully no one was injured in the feeding rituals of my hangry beast, but for a few seconds I was pretty sure I was going to jail.  Perhaps I should set aside a small fund for this purpose.  Unfortunately, you never know when you might need it.    

And look!  This was my fortune.  Hmmmm

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